Let's Talk About Sex Beta: Abstinence

We've all had the sex talk right? Right? Yes that's right, we haven't. Or, I should say, a lot of Indians I know, haven't. That's because sex is such a taboo, that even saying the word deserves a thappar, stinging your face worse than any STD. I take that back, STD's are bad. And that what we're here to discuss. If you've been too scared to talk about or embarrassed to learn about sex, and your sexual organs, you can come here and find your answers. If you want to (anonymously) ask any questions, email me:sharan.dhaliwal@burntroti.com.


Learning and educating yourself about sex is important, but that doesn't mean you have to have sex in order to learn about it. A lot of young people are beginning to open up about their sexual desires and wonders of discovering their orgasm, but you sit there, with a being NOPE written across your face, wondering if you'll get shamed for not participating.

The great thing about sex education is that it teaches you what to do IF you want to partake in sexual activity. You learn what you need to, but you don't learn that you have to. If anything, it's a warning.

Within a lot of South Asian cultures, abstinence is usually practised strictly until after marriage. Virginity is construed as purity and there is a lot of pride involved with 'saving face' within the older community, so a lot of the time when talking about sex, very little knowledge actually passes through the generations. What this does is cause issues with those who choose to be sexually active, with being unaware of what the risks are, understanding your body, unplanned pregnancies and consent. This knowledge gives people an option.

You're allowed to be asexual, simply want to wait or practise celibacy (in or out of religion). 

To clarify:

- You DO NOT have to have sex.

- If you choose to have sex, educate yourself on what you're doing (it could be as simple as using Google, speaking to friends and masturbation)

- Don't think porn is educating you - it's definitely not.

- If you feel no sexual preference to any one or gender, do not worry - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU

- If you want to wait until marriage, then that is fine, don't feel embarrassed.

- If people feel liberated in being sexually active, don't shame them, but this works both ways. Don't shame those who are not interested in sex, or want to wait.

For more information:

- Planned Parenthood

- An Essay on Celibacy and Hinudism

- Buzzfeed on Asexuality

- Amelia Alice on Identifying As Asexual

- A Story About Celibacy on Buzzfeed