We've all had the sex talk right? Right? Yes that's right, we haven't. Or, I should say, a lot of Indians I know, haven't. That's because sex is such a taboo, that even saying the word deserves a thappar, stinging your face worse than any STD. I take that back, STD's are bad. And that what we're here to discuss. If you've been too scared to talk about or embarrassed to learn about sex, and your sexual organs, you can come here and find your answers. If you want to (anonymously) ask any questions, email me: firstname.lastname@example.org.
The first few things you need to know about your vagina can be done by looking at it. Go on, don't be ashamed. It's on your body, if it was so terrible, God wouldn't have put it there, am I right? Now get in an uncomfortable position, in front of a mirror and have a look. Learning all these different areas will help you understand why things happen to your body and how to deal with them. (Note: if you're non-white, your vagina will not be pink. You may try and learn from watching porn, but they do not teach you much, TRUST ME).
People may say it's gandee or you're besharam, but the only reason someone would say this, is they (as a man or woman), would have not had been allowed to take this time to learn about sex and their own organs. They haven't been made aware of the importance and so live in fear and shame about their own sex lives.
Ask your elders about periods and many of them will have some surreal explanations about why women have them. This passes through generations of self-taught sex education, which leads to health problems, shame, unwanted pregnancy and many times, death.
Your vagina may or may not:
- Have a particular smell. When you're on period, this smell may change and you may also feel that it's stronger.
- Have a discharge, that occasionally you can feel happen.
- Have extensive pubic hair, that grows in areas you didn't think possible. This includes going over the lips and around the clitoris.
- Well, it definitely doesn't need soap - do not use soap on it. Clean around it, the outside of the lips can gets sweaty against you, and your thighs obviously, but your actual vagina just needs water and your fingers. Soap and other products can be very harmful.
- Tremble. Some people feel their vaginas tremble occasionally, this is fine. It's just being cute.
- If you're uncomfortable with the smell, discharge or anything else GO TO A DOCTOR. I can only talk from my and my friends (yeah, we talk about it), experiences.
If you want to find out more or have different questions, you can try:
- Sash - UK based South Asian services
- Naz - UK based South Asian services
- Muslim Women's Network - 0800 999 5786 (free from landlines) or 0303 999 5786 (use to call from mobiles)
- Humsafar - dedicated sexual health services for the South Asian LGB&T community