CW: Racial and homophobic slurs, mental health
Some unknown rapper/singer started a Twitter feud with Zayn Malik yesterday, calling him 'p*ki' and a 'curry scented bitch'. It's especially strange, as this singer is so irrelevant, that she would go after one of the biggest pop sensations in the UK.
Nonetheless, the feud seemed to have started from nowhere, leading to tweets and videos, directed at Zayn, in a strange downward spiral of behaviour. I wonder if this singer has mental health issues and whether there needs to be a wider discussion about this.
Suddenly there was a moment in this horrific spiral that made sense.
Ah. Trump supporter, I see!
Comedian and fellow Punjabi Jus Reign came across this irrelevant singer's comments and decided to comment back, eventually starting a hashtag #CurryScentedBitch. This caused a flurry of selfies from beautiful desi babes, snatching the statement straight back out of the singer's mouth.
There was suddenly so much beauty on my timeline and I loved every moment. But then I kept seeing the hashtag 'Curry Scented' and it continued to upset me. Despite all the beauty, smiles and collective high-fiving, I had a flashback to the internalised hatred I suffered of my own culture, when growing up a British Asian. Being told I 'probably smelt of curry', whether in jest or spite, it stuck with me and so did this hashtag. It felt great throwing it back in someone's face with beauty and strength, but the pain of its existence still lingered.
As a teenager, on my way to school I'd scream at my mum for making saag because it would only mean that the rest of my school day would become intolerable. The same people who mocked me then are now eating the British bastardisation of vindaloos in curry houses, and I can appreciate the irony of it.
I still have issues with how I treated my culture and reacted to my parents and their food, but I'm also aware that I can only hold myself to blame, when all I wanted was to fit in. It was different in my time, I didn't have Twitter growing up, I wouldn't have been able to see this beautiful clap back and join in. Instead, I hung my head in 'shame' and waited for the eventual bullying to start.